In my upside-down world, not feeling well has a whole different meaning. The memories of chemo gut punch my soul. The anxieties of recurrence paralyze my mind. Talking becomes too hard. Thinking becomes even harder.
I haven’t felt well today, more than usual, and it has been a literal struggle to get through the day, even at 5 minutes at a time. This is the cancer monster…it lives with me here whether I like it or not. I am never free from it because even when I think I’ve rid myself of it, it taps me on my shoulder and rears its ugly head.
Monster: “So. You don’t feel so good… I bet it’s cuz cancer’s baaaaaaack.”
Me: “No it’s not, you’re full of s*&%.
Monster: “Ha. You wish. You don’t actually know that I’m wrong.”
Me: “Go away.”
Monster: “You know I can’t do that.”
Me: “But I have no reason to believe you.”
Monster: “Doesn’t matter cuz I’ll bet a million bucks you’re gonna wonder. . .”
Damn. It’s right.
Just like the simple question asked by the caterpillar turned into a nonsense conversation, a simple ‘off’ day turns into a twisted dialogue. I hate you, Monster.
No Post for 5/10/18
Date Night & Anastrozole :: May 10, 2019
I have an amazing husband. I am so grateful for him, for his unconditional love, for his selflessness, for his patience, for his humor and for his resilience.
We had a date night tonight and it was such good time spent together. We had important conversations, we had laughter and we had connection.
While cancer is brutal on a marriage, we find ways to stay strong together. Thank you, Lord, for that.
And tonight, I started Anastrozole. Boo. My 3 and a half week break from tamoxifen was sure nice. I guess we’ll get to see how I tolerate this med, now……
No Post for 5/10/20