All throughout today, I have found my mind in the days between my mammogram & ultrasound appointment and my biopsy appointment. The images and smells, the pit in my stomach, the lump in my throat all very present today as if those days are actually these days. The tangible fear. The achingly slow minutes. The desperate wishing. The disbelief. The confusion.
I’m not certain why those 6 days are so heavy on my mind today. But I’m acknowledging their figurative tap on my shoulder. I’m holding them close. I’m letting the memories in. I’m allowing them to sting. I’m making them matter.
Fear :: June 8, 2018
I am in so much pain tonight. I don’t feel well at all. I’m weary and overwhelmed. And if I’m naming the emotion that I feel the most tonight…
Fear.
THIS Minute :: June 8, 2019
For the first time since diagnosis, I am camping. Before cancer I didn’t like it. The bugs. The heat. The tents. The boring long days.
But my attitude has completely changed thanks to the transformation that I have experienced. The bugs are still annoying and I do flip out a time or two but I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. The slow down of time is glorious. I love the quiet. I love sitting out in creation and seeing the beauty around me. I love hearing the organic elements of life all around me….
And it all reminds me that life is fleeting. Nothing is guaranteed. Everything is temporary. And time can go as absolutely slow as it can….I am in no rush to get to the next moment. I’m going to fill myself up as full as possible with THIS minute.
No post for 6/8/20