“Empathy isn’t guessing how someone might be feeling based on your own hypotheticals. Empathy is courageously connecting with your own difficult feelings. Empathy isn’t trying to feel what the other person is feeling. Empathy is admitting that you don’t know how they feel. Empathy isn’t reaching into another person’s story and taking their pain. Empathy is holding yours while you sit next to them holding theirs and letting that be enough. Empathy isn’t saying, ‘I know what you’re feeling…and here’s why.’ Empathy is saying, ‘I don’t have words. But I am here.’ Empathy isn’t sharing why your story gives you insight into their story. Empathy is the level playing field where neither knows the other’s actual pain. Empathy isn’t loud and demonstrative, where space is filled with words. Empathy is a silent, vulnerable, courageous connector, where space is held with authentic presence.”
@AmberHavekost @ThePurposedSailor
You learn a lot about empathy when you’re in the worst pain of your life . . .
This Day in 2018:
Post Op #1
I had one thing to do today…and it was all I could focus on…and it was literally all that I had energy for. Funny how that works….
Today was post op appointment #1 with my surgeon.
I’m glad we got to today, I’m grateful to be here. And it sure was nice to see the world outside of my house.
First – the drains came out. All 4 of them. Praise God…I am a new woman. 🙂 And I took some pain meds before going so the pain of removal was manageable. The freedoms that come when the drains come out are, well, hard to describe.
Second – my surgeon is very pleased with how I am healing. He said my transplanted tissues are alive and well and my lower incision/abdomen are looking good. He also told Chris and I that there was a legit scientific study done on belly buttons and they found that most people do not have belly buttons right down the middle, soooooo, I guess mine never was. I never had a reason to notice, I suppose. He did say that it was a simple fix later on…
Third – while my rash is still present, it is slowly getting better and I guess progress is progress even if it is as slow as molasses on a cold winter day.
I will say, though, that leaving the office and getting a phone call later to schedule some future appointments, left me feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I cried. Again. The reality that this is a multi-phase, many months, more surgeries/recoveries process hit me hard. I will have anywhere from 2 to 4 “revision” surgeries – each being at least 2 hours, general anesthesia, recoveries, pain meds, restrictions, at least 8 weeks in between each one, etc etc etc… All while trying to live life, be a wife, be a mom, work at a job I love, experience waiting and quiet and unknowns…oh, and let’s not forget also having to manage what “survivorship” looks like with cancer – follow up appointments, follow up testing and the emotional rollercoaster that is.
A friend texted me today and said, “Wow, you’re so brave. Reconstruction is intense.” – She was so right. It is an intense process that will continue to teach me so much.
Be where your feet are. Be where your feet are.
This Day in 2019:
Cancer is a Thief
Some of my day today was spent talking about volleyball with Caty’s coach. While I’m way excited that I will get to be his assistant this coming volleyball season, there is a sadness in my heart that I will never be able to actually play the sport again. At least I don’t believe I’ll be able to…with my body being rearranged and all. And my shoulders being a disaster due to mastectomies and reconstruction. And my joints hurting like I’m 90. And weak bones due to no uterus, ovaries and necessary hormones to naturally keep them strong. And the fact that I probably shouldn’t be diving all over the ground with implants in. That’s a difficult reality, for sure.
It’s hard to accept all that cancer has stolen from me.
Tonight I don’t want it to be about perspective or gratitude or the ‘at least I’m alive’….. I just wanna be pissed. Stupid cancer.
No Post for 7/3/20